Today is my daughter's first birthday. Less than two years ago the most important thing in my life was Spider-Man comics and getting enough money for video games from whatever job I could scrounge up. Now I'm a father trying to build someone into a better human being than I ever was, trying to teach life lessons that I never learned, and trying to find money to pay a babysitter.
Yeah, try to wrap your head around how wierd and old I feel. I laugh, and yet I am puzzled and a little bit afraid.
No wonder I'm not around as much anymore, when I have free time I either sleep, or try to pretend I still have a life that includes Spider-Man comics and video games.
It's a good life, can't wait till it stops feeling like a new pair of shoes.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
A Poem I Wrote Several Years Ago.
I don’t know about reality, sometimes it confuses me;
It confounds my senses and destroys my self-made conceptions of the right of the universe.
It cocoons and wraps itself around all that is.
Explanation is alluding sense of actuality and all that is becomes unraveled in all that was and all that will be in future days,
Days to come.
Sense is fleeting actuality is unraveling my sense of well being all sense of time and space is distorted in one blinding expectation of happenstance.
Time and space erode away to reveal that which is as opposed to that which seems to be, That which we witness as that which is and all that can be in this place of oneness and real.
The expectation of the young reveals the hopes the old once held in all that was once held sacred by the world in which we make our way to all that we find as real.
These expectations are that which upon we found our sensibilities and fashion our makings.
In this way we continue to exist,
One generation making the desires of the next building upon the foundations of their own failures which in turn decide the fate of future failures deciphering the mystery of why we destroy that which we find beautiful.
There are things we can’t destroy for reasons as to which we cannot begin to imagine. These objects are of a level of creation we can only fathom when in dreams
But in some point they find reality.
It is at this point that we must truly recognize that they have found the way for us,
And no other man woman or child they exist in our worlds because we need them.
They are our salvation.
Reality can save us if prompted to do so.
It has saved me she is my salvation.
My need grows in each passing moment the addiction becomes stronger.
I can never destroy this addiction.
I will die craving these saving stimuli.
What others are there?
What is it that others need?
They must be real too for I cannot be the only one.
It stands to reason that all things exist in cycle.
A plant shall die;
Fall only to degrade into its base components creating fertility.
New life rises out of the remnants of the old giving forth to the new,
And so it is for all things.
Plant,
Animal
And so forth.
All that is will meet that same end in time.
Time an infinity,
The only infinity,
There will always be a time before and a time after this is the only truth all else is only an assumption.
Time is the only real truth in the world there will always be time.
In time is beginning,
In time is end,
An end to things must always come and so it seems that an end has come to one relationship
As others have begun.
My lack of judgment has destroyed that which I held dear and now I must live without.
Love I have,
Companionship I have.
These things I cherish and will never lose as long as I can decide otherwise.
Brotherhood I have lost forever.
It confounds my senses and destroys my self-made conceptions of the right of the universe.
It cocoons and wraps itself around all that is.
Explanation is alluding sense of actuality and all that is becomes unraveled in all that was and all that will be in future days,
Days to come.
Sense is fleeting actuality is unraveling my sense of well being all sense of time and space is distorted in one blinding expectation of happenstance.
Time and space erode away to reveal that which is as opposed to that which seems to be, That which we witness as that which is and all that can be in this place of oneness and real.
The expectation of the young reveals the hopes the old once held in all that was once held sacred by the world in which we make our way to all that we find as real.
These expectations are that which upon we found our sensibilities and fashion our makings.
In this way we continue to exist,
One generation making the desires of the next building upon the foundations of their own failures which in turn decide the fate of future failures deciphering the mystery of why we destroy that which we find beautiful.
There are things we can’t destroy for reasons as to which we cannot begin to imagine. These objects are of a level of creation we can only fathom when in dreams
But in some point they find reality.
It is at this point that we must truly recognize that they have found the way for us,
And no other man woman or child they exist in our worlds because we need them.
They are our salvation.
Reality can save us if prompted to do so.
It has saved me she is my salvation.
My need grows in each passing moment the addiction becomes stronger.
I can never destroy this addiction.
I will die craving these saving stimuli.
What others are there?
What is it that others need?
They must be real too for I cannot be the only one.
It stands to reason that all things exist in cycle.
A plant shall die;
Fall only to degrade into its base components creating fertility.
New life rises out of the remnants of the old giving forth to the new,
And so it is for all things.
Plant,
Animal
And so forth.
All that is will meet that same end in time.
Time an infinity,
The only infinity,
There will always be a time before and a time after this is the only truth all else is only an assumption.
Time is the only real truth in the world there will always be time.
In time is beginning,
In time is end,
An end to things must always come and so it seems that an end has come to one relationship
As others have begun.
My lack of judgment has destroyed that which I held dear and now I must live without.
Love I have,
Companionship I have.
These things I cherish and will never lose as long as I can decide otherwise.
Brotherhood I have lost forever.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Does anyone still read this?
So I'm 24 now, and I warn readers in advance I'm having a pissy day so this post will probably wreak of the old Danger Befell Them... site.
I gave up writing entirely for a few weeks at the end of February/begining of March. Didn't mention it to anyone except Laura but I swore it off. Laura had handed me a job applicatoin for a writing job, copy writer for an ad agency or some shit. I realized at that point that I couldn't do it because I was a teacher now. I realized that with raising Kaitlyn I didn't have the time to take a risk and after 20 odd thousand dollars I couldn't turn my back on teaching. I had to teach to validate the money I spent.
That sounds like pride so I want to clarify, we have no money. I can only justify spending the money I spent, because the gains spending that money would bring far outweigh it. If I take a carreer that has nothing to do with my education at any point before I've repayed my debt then I violate the integrety of my decision. A decision I should point out wasn't easy to make. While I enjoy teaching, I have no desire to actually BE a teacher. I find it frightening as I've mentioned before, and the entire scenario feels somewhat like drowning.
So anyway after that realization hit me I actually started to cry. I finally had to admit to myself that I'm not a great writer. I had to admit that while I may, repeat MAY, have natural talent, I am not disciplined. I am an amateur. Quite possibly that may be all I'll ever be.
I gave up then, but soon after realised that was a bad idea. I've no real story for that part I just sort of woke up one morening and said "well that was a very emo decisoin you've made jackass, now go write a poem. Look I've even given you an idea" and so then I did.
The Danger Zone went to the AUIC as planned this month. We tied for first and walked away with second place. Considering the group that won was from new Brunswick I've decided to say that makes us the best amateur Improv group in Nova Scotia. I'd like to say we were the best in NS, but that would be a lie. There are groups in Hali that sell out shows at 28 bones a seat.
Awesome trip though, met some good people. One problem: I drank. I drank a lot. Dave, Christian, thank you and I apologize. I've been reminded why I swore it off. The fact is I don't drink because I like to be drunk or because it makes me more social. When I'm with Laura I drink because she loves to be drinking and dancing and it's a different world. When I drink without her it's because a small part of me that has always existed will never stop hating myself, and then I drink for the same reason I don't often wear a seatbelt. I drink until the part of me that can think and see and feel dies, at least for a little while. The problem is that while some small part of my brain (which happens to have a large amount of sway over my life and thoughts) hates me, I thoroughly love my life and I don't think I could be happier, all problems aside. I never want to be that drunk again because when I am I forget how happy I am. I only remember how unhappy I was.
Anyway that aside that weekend was probably one of the most uplifting weekends I've ever spent with a group of lunatics. And getting to chill with Dave for that amount of time is something that for me hasn't happened literally in years. I am truly, truly sad Dave that you're not around. I will always be ready to work with you creatively.
By the way, I'm assuming you're not in need of those Improv U pirate game sprites anymore. If you are let me know and I'll finish them and apologise.
I was going to buy a car recently. It didn't happen. Let's leave that one, shall we?
I'm teaching now as well, doing alot of work in Sydney River schools, and BEC. I also got a job teaching ESL to a Korean kid named June. I hope I can help this guy, as I know little about ESL. By the way, any of my teacher compadres with ESL experience wanna drop me a line I'd apreciate it.
One last thing, the Government is pissing me off. More on that in the future.
I think I'll post some poetry on this piece in the next few days.
Keep reading and I'll keep writing.
I gave up writing entirely for a few weeks at the end of February/begining of March. Didn't mention it to anyone except Laura but I swore it off. Laura had handed me a job applicatoin for a writing job, copy writer for an ad agency or some shit. I realized at that point that I couldn't do it because I was a teacher now. I realized that with raising Kaitlyn I didn't have the time to take a risk and after 20 odd thousand dollars I couldn't turn my back on teaching. I had to teach to validate the money I spent.
That sounds like pride so I want to clarify, we have no money. I can only justify spending the money I spent, because the gains spending that money would bring far outweigh it. If I take a carreer that has nothing to do with my education at any point before I've repayed my debt then I violate the integrety of my decision. A decision I should point out wasn't easy to make. While I enjoy teaching, I have no desire to actually BE a teacher. I find it frightening as I've mentioned before, and the entire scenario feels somewhat like drowning.
So anyway after that realization hit me I actually started to cry. I finally had to admit to myself that I'm not a great writer. I had to admit that while I may, repeat MAY, have natural talent, I am not disciplined. I am an amateur. Quite possibly that may be all I'll ever be.
I gave up then, but soon after realised that was a bad idea. I've no real story for that part I just sort of woke up one morening and said "well that was a very emo decisoin you've made jackass, now go write a poem. Look I've even given you an idea" and so then I did.
The Danger Zone went to the AUIC as planned this month. We tied for first and walked away with second place. Considering the group that won was from new Brunswick I've decided to say that makes us the best amateur Improv group in Nova Scotia. I'd like to say we were the best in NS, but that would be a lie. There are groups in Hali that sell out shows at 28 bones a seat.
Awesome trip though, met some good people. One problem: I drank. I drank a lot. Dave, Christian, thank you and I apologize. I've been reminded why I swore it off. The fact is I don't drink because I like to be drunk or because it makes me more social. When I'm with Laura I drink because she loves to be drinking and dancing and it's a different world. When I drink without her it's because a small part of me that has always existed will never stop hating myself, and then I drink for the same reason I don't often wear a seatbelt. I drink until the part of me that can think and see and feel dies, at least for a little while. The problem is that while some small part of my brain (which happens to have a large amount of sway over my life and thoughts) hates me, I thoroughly love my life and I don't think I could be happier, all problems aside. I never want to be that drunk again because when I am I forget how happy I am. I only remember how unhappy I was.
Anyway that aside that weekend was probably one of the most uplifting weekends I've ever spent with a group of lunatics. And getting to chill with Dave for that amount of time is something that for me hasn't happened literally in years. I am truly, truly sad Dave that you're not around. I will always be ready to work with you creatively.
By the way, I'm assuming you're not in need of those Improv U pirate game sprites anymore. If you are let me know and I'll finish them and apologise.
I was going to buy a car recently. It didn't happen. Let's leave that one, shall we?
I'm teaching now as well, doing alot of work in Sydney River schools, and BEC. I also got a job teaching ESL to a Korean kid named June. I hope I can help this guy, as I know little about ESL. By the way, any of my teacher compadres with ESL experience wanna drop me a line I'd apreciate it.
One last thing, the Government is pissing me off. More on that in the future.
I think I'll post some poetry on this piece in the next few days.
Keep reading and I'll keep writing.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Kaitlyn
A video of my little girl care of Youtube. She walks for the first time on film! For all of you who don't get to see her as often as I do.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Dear denizens of the Earth,
One thing has startled me about all this debate concerning the warming of your globe. All the debate over whether or not it is a bad thing seems to have ended, we are all in relative agreement that the globe is getting warmer. It seems that now the majority of peoples are argueing over who caused it to get warm. Did humanity do it, or is it a natural process?
Who cares? We have the technology to stop it and not stopping means we die. If it is a natural process and we kill of some shit, it's better than killing off everything! Seriously, who gives a red God damn who lit the house on fire, just put it the fuck out!
I realise logic inevitably fails the human race and we need an enemy to fight befor this thing will be fixed so here it is. I did it. I am taking responsibility for global warming. I have charts, log books, 'Kris' Global Warming Scheme' DVDs... I've got it all.
Now that you have a scape goat stop destroying my daughter's future.
Sincerely,
Kris
Who cares? We have the technology to stop it and not stopping means we die. If it is a natural process and we kill of some shit, it's better than killing off everything! Seriously, who gives a red God damn who lit the house on fire, just put it the fuck out!
I realise logic inevitably fails the human race and we need an enemy to fight befor this thing will be fixed so here it is. I did it. I am taking responsibility for global warming. I have charts, log books, 'Kris' Global Warming Scheme' DVDs... I've got it all.
Now that you have a scape goat stop destroying my daughter's future.
Sincerely,
Kris
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Ride into the Danger Zone?
And so it's official. Cape Breton's newest theatre troupe is "The Danger Zone?" I've used quotations to highlight the joke in the punctuation. I won't do that often so keep up. Also future fans please remember, the title is an inquiry so intone it thusly!
Anyone wandering in from the Digital Webbing direction may remember me ranting about a shadowy prank Improv group. Likely you may not so I'll explain the evolution of The Danger Zone?.
Back in December, I severed my affiliations with Improv U over some bad water. Though my severance was honest and remained true, all bad feelings were put aside but through it Dave AuCoine misposted, or posted it remains unkown, a comment about Improv V. A legend was born.
Mocking ourselves in the process the former members of Improv U as well as about half the current members made about a weeks worth of jokes about Improv V until one day Dave phoned me from Toronto. How funny would it be if Improv V was real he asked. The plan was to continue talking about Improv V, it would become for everyone an old joke. No one outside the V would know the truth and they would wonder why we continued to rant about V. We even set up a V message board and created a V-psuedo religion involving the "essence of V" and the "power of five blades with the precision of one". The punchline was everyone else thought Improv V was a bad joke, when in fact six of us would show up at the improv competition in Wolfville in March under the name "Improv V". Finally in true WWF style we'd be the "villains" of the event. Yeah it was gonna be pretty sweet, but like all things when only one group of people know the answers, the other group of people tries to guess.
They guessed we were planning to embarrass them, and so long story short we scrapped Improv V. Why let that ruin your plans you ask? We didn't.
So there you have it, the members of Improv V have disbanded and out of those ashes has come a new idea. Many of us post V were talking and realised that there were some people who just wanted a theatre group to have fun with, as opposed to the psuedo proffesionalism of Improv U. In fact some people from U and people from neither U nor V were interested as well. We decided to form a new group called The Danger Zone? and go to the AUIC anyway.
I think it's gonna be pretty sweet chillin' at the AUIC with some of the best performers in Nova Scotia and beyond and in the meantime we get to explore some venues that currently don't get explored in Cape Breton.
We can only see where the future takes us as we venture deeper into... The Danger Zone?
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Meet Bill Promo 2
Made another promo using a different colouring technique. I like this look better. Oh and James, it's the door to door organ donation techs again, in fact here is one in this promo!
And you can have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down.
Ok so comments are mostly not working. James claims to have commented on the first Bill sketch posted below, myself I posted in that same comment thread as well. You can see niether of our comments are there. Why this is I don't know so if you feel there is something you'd like to say about one of my posts email it to me, kris.doucette@gmail.com . Seriously, I like email and don't get nearly enough of it.
Anyway I'm stoked about doing Meet Bill... again. Anyone not in the know the elipsis are part of the title not my sarcasm. Series two is going to be seriously different from Meet Bill... series one.
You can see an example of the original series above. The most glaring difference is that this series will be hand drawn. The original series was more motivated by bilking money from the Caper Times than anything else. The calibre of the original series however was that of "Stick Sense" as opposed to the tripe found there now. Anyway the original Bill was also very neo-absurdist comedy, this is something I intend to carry into the new series but with a twist. The story lines in the new series will be more consecutive, also more sensible.
Basically there will be just as much nonsense but it will be surrounded by sense. If that makes sense then you'll probably enjoy.
I intend to refocus and spend most of my creative time on this. That time will be split with my daughter so expect this in the spring.
One more thing, still no liscense. Nova Scotia didn't get my application until Friday past. Yeah I'm pissed. Hopefully I'll be able to teach by March.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Meet Bill...
A quick sketch of "Meet Bill..." characters Bill (left) and the organ donation repo men (right). Since I'm considering drawing it by hand from now on I need to decide what the character's actually are...
Monday, January 15, 2007
The hills are alive with the sound of forwarded email...
This blog entry is being simulcast to all the hardworking men and women who bring us peace in the middle east... I mean all the people I went to school with in Clair... well essentially I mean Amy, Drew and Sharon. Hey guys, look above this for a more detailed introduction.
I should have read my last post before "completeing" it with this one but what are ya gonna do. So yeah, comic at a standstill on to the rest.
Practice teaching was a lark. Had some great experiences, learned some things. The thing is I didn't really 'learn' things so much as I learned them. By that I mean I didn't learn anything I didn't already know I basically learned how to work around what I was taught. Does that make sense?
What I learned was that the real world is nothing like the university classroom. In this virtual setting creatures called university proffessors will tell you things about how they think the world works, but we must remember these opinions are of a quasi religious almost mythological nature. These beings have never been outside the walls of their protective nesting ground and as such lose sight of what the world outside may be. They build an image of the world through the convectural comments of those who do leave the grounds and the speculations each breeds in the other. In all seriousness I did have some good profs, but the fact is when I went into education I had an idea of how the classroom should work and what changes I had to bring to the table, coming out of the program my views were forcably shifted, and once I got into the field I realised I was right the first time.
That is either a representation of my genius or arrogance, but both things are necessary for success and I have both in excess. Well at least having either leads me to believe I have the other, and perception defines reality what?
Now I just have to wait for my liscense to actually get paid. I should get my Maine State liscense today and then it's off to Halifax for my information to be processed.
Christmas was good. Kaitlyn (my daughter, for those navigating here from comicspace) enjoyed herself though at 8 months I'm not sure she knew what was going on. She didn't so much as unwrap her presents as eat the outerlayer, and then attempt to eat the candy center that is the present itself. We got her a big wooden puzzle thing, a rolly bug noisy stuffy thing, and a Backyardigans DVD. Backyardigans is one of the less painful baby oriented television shows. As opposed to Dora the Explorer and her cousin who just scream all god damned day. Seriously that's why kids throw tantrums, it's because Dora teaches them to scream to get what they want. "Do you want a cookie? Scream cookie. Scream it louder. No Louder. Great work, now we have a cookie!"
Myself I got some Steven King books, some other books, and an external Harddrive. All in all a good Christmas materially. I can't say I got into the spirit of the season because the whole no job no income young family thing is on my mind even still. I mean Laura and I are the poster children for welfare parenting. I won't apply for social assistance until we're starving but that does mean I have to live in my parents house with her in hers and my daughter with her. Yeah it's hard to get in the Christmas spirit when your daughter and fiance live elsewhere but all in all it was an ok holiday. Not my best one but the future looks bright.
Well I hope everyone reading this and everyone I forward it to had a good holiday, and those of you awaiting liscensing; hang in there! I'm gonna call that a day here. My next post will outline some of the new ideas for projects I've been having so any of my comicspace readers might be interested in that.
Remember, if you can find any in Nova Scotia (which is highly unlikely) don't eat yellow snow. You don't know where it's been.
I should have read my last post before "completeing" it with this one but what are ya gonna do. So yeah, comic at a standstill on to the rest.
Practice teaching was a lark. Had some great experiences, learned some things. The thing is I didn't really 'learn' things so much as I learned them. By that I mean I didn't learn anything I didn't already know I basically learned how to work around what I was taught. Does that make sense?
What I learned was that the real world is nothing like the university classroom. In this virtual setting creatures called university proffessors will tell you things about how they think the world works, but we must remember these opinions are of a quasi religious almost mythological nature. These beings have never been outside the walls of their protective nesting ground and as such lose sight of what the world outside may be. They build an image of the world through the convectural comments of those who do leave the grounds and the speculations each breeds in the other. In all seriousness I did have some good profs, but the fact is when I went into education I had an idea of how the classroom should work and what changes I had to bring to the table, coming out of the program my views were forcably shifted, and once I got into the field I realised I was right the first time.
That is either a representation of my genius or arrogance, but both things are necessary for success and I have both in excess. Well at least having either leads me to believe I have the other, and perception defines reality what?
Now I just have to wait for my liscense to actually get paid. I should get my Maine State liscense today and then it's off to Halifax for my information to be processed.
Christmas was good. Kaitlyn (my daughter, for those navigating here from comicspace) enjoyed herself though at 8 months I'm not sure she knew what was going on. She didn't so much as unwrap her presents as eat the outerlayer, and then attempt to eat the candy center that is the present itself. We got her a big wooden puzzle thing, a rolly bug noisy stuffy thing, and a Backyardigans DVD. Backyardigans is one of the less painful baby oriented television shows. As opposed to Dora the Explorer and her cousin who just scream all god damned day. Seriously that's why kids throw tantrums, it's because Dora teaches them to scream to get what they want. "Do you want a cookie? Scream cookie. Scream it louder. No Louder. Great work, now we have a cookie!"
Myself I got some Steven King books, some other books, and an external Harddrive. All in all a good Christmas materially. I can't say I got into the spirit of the season because the whole no job no income young family thing is on my mind even still. I mean Laura and I are the poster children for welfare parenting. I won't apply for social assistance until we're starving but that does mean I have to live in my parents house with her in hers and my daughter with her. Yeah it's hard to get in the Christmas spirit when your daughter and fiance live elsewhere but all in all it was an ok holiday. Not my best one but the future looks bright.
Well I hope everyone reading this and everyone I forward it to had a good holiday, and those of you awaiting liscensing; hang in there! I'm gonna call that a day here. My next post will outline some of the new ideas for projects I've been having so any of my comicspace readers might be interested in that.
Remember, if you can find any in Nova Scotia (which is highly unlikely) don't eat yellow snow. You don't know where it's been.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Here we come a wassailing...
Been a bit since I last updated. If that surprises anyone I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale you might be interested in.
So this comicspace.com thing has proved an interesting venture. It's basically a myspace-like website for people in or interested in the comic book industry. That would be me of course so as an alternative to the much toted myspace.com I'm quite enjoying this.
On the comic front I suppose an update is in order. "I, Hero" is, as many living in my vacinity are aware, on indefinite hiatus. Reason being I just can't find an artist willing to take a chance on me. I'm sure if someone would read the sample scripts and talk to me about the future of it someone would take an interest, but they see no paid experience and move on. I understand that, it's just dissapointing. Anyway the ideas aren't going anywhere so it will just have to wait.
In a way I kind of expected to have to backburner this idea for a while, I only regret getting so gung ho about it in advance. I am working on another project now though that may find itself as a novel. I'm going to do some heady research on this one though so I'll provide more info in the coming months, or more.
I'll talk more about Christmas and ending my student teaching later, this post has taken me about 8 hours so far so today obviously isn't a good day to do this.
So this comicspace.com thing has proved an interesting venture. It's basically a myspace-like website for people in or interested in the comic book industry. That would be me of course so as an alternative to the much toted myspace.com I'm quite enjoying this.
On the comic front I suppose an update is in order. "I, Hero" is, as many living in my vacinity are aware, on indefinite hiatus. Reason being I just can't find an artist willing to take a chance on me. I'm sure if someone would read the sample scripts and talk to me about the future of it someone would take an interest, but they see no paid experience and move on. I understand that, it's just dissapointing. Anyway the ideas aren't going anywhere so it will just have to wait.
In a way I kind of expected to have to backburner this idea for a while, I only regret getting so gung ho about it in advance. I am working on another project now though that may find itself as a novel. I'm going to do some heady research on this one though so I'll provide more info in the coming months, or more.
I'll talk more about Christmas and ending my student teaching later, this post has taken me about 8 hours so far so today obviously isn't a good day to do this.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)