A Poem I Wrote Several Years Ago.

I don’t know about reality, sometimes it confuses me;
It confounds my senses and destroys my self-made conceptions of the right of the universe.
It cocoons and wraps itself around all that is.
Explanation is alluding sense of actuality and all that is becomes unraveled in all that was and all that will be in future days,
Days to come.
Sense is fleeting actuality is unraveling my sense of well being all sense of time and space is distorted in one blinding expectation of happenstance.
Time and space erode away to reveal that which is as opposed to that which seems to be, That which we witness as that which is and all that can be in this place of oneness and real.
The expectation of the young reveals the hopes the old once held in all that was once held sacred by the world in which we make our way to all that we find as real.
These expectations are that which upon we found our sensibilities and fashion our makings.
In this way we continue to exist,
One generation making the desires of the next building upon the foundations of their own failures which in turn decide the fate of future failures deciphering the mystery of why we destroy that which we find beautiful.

There are things we can’t destroy for reasons as to which we cannot begin to imagine. These objects are of a level of creation we can only fathom when in dreams
But in some point they find reality.
It is at this point that we must truly recognize that they have found the way for us,
And no other man woman or child they exist in our worlds because we need them.
They are our salvation.
Reality can save us if prompted to do so.
It has saved me she is my salvation.
My need grows in each passing moment the addiction becomes stronger.
I can never destroy this addiction.
I will die craving these saving stimuli.

What others are there?
What is it that others need?
They must be real too for I cannot be the only one.

It stands to reason that all things exist in cycle.
A plant shall die;
Fall only to degrade into its base components creating fertility.
New life rises out of the remnants of the old giving forth to the new,
And so it is for all things.

Plant,
Animal


And so forth.
All that is will meet that same end in time.
Time an infinity,
The only infinity,
There will always be a time before and a time after this is the only truth all else is only an assumption.

Time is the only real truth in the world there will always be time.

In time is beginning,
In time is end,
An end to things must always come and so it seems that an end has come to one relationship
As others have begun.
My lack of judgment has destroyed that which I held dear and now I must live without.

Love I have,
Companionship I have.
These things I cherish and will never lose as long as I can decide otherwise.
Brotherhood I have lost forever.

Does anyone still read this?

So I'm 24 now, and I warn readers in advance I'm having a pissy day so this post will probably wreak of the old Danger Befell Them... site.

I gave up writing entirely for a few weeks at the end of February/begining of March. Didn't mention it to anyone except Laura but I swore it off. Laura had handed me a job applicatoin for a writing job, copy writer for an ad agency or some shit. I realized at that point that I couldn't do it because I was a teacher now. I realized that with raising Kaitlyn I didn't have the time to take a risk and after 20 odd thousand dollars I couldn't turn my back on teaching. I had to teach to validate the money I spent.

That sounds like pride so I want to clarify, we have no money. I can only justify spending the money I spent, because the gains spending that money would bring far outweigh it. If I take a carreer that has nothing to do with my education at any point before I've repayed my debt then I violate the integrety of my decision. A decision I should point out wasn't easy to make. While I enjoy teaching, I have no desire to actually BE a teacher. I find it frightening as I've mentioned before, and the entire scenario feels somewhat like drowning.

So anyway after that realization hit me I actually started to cry. I finally had to admit to myself that I'm not a great writer. I had to admit that while I may, repeat MAY, have natural talent, I am not disciplined. I am an amateur. Quite possibly that may be all I'll ever be.

I gave up then, but soon after realised that was a bad idea. I've no real story for that part I just sort of woke up one morening and said "well that was a very emo decisoin you've made jackass, now go write a poem. Look I've even given you an idea" and so then I did.

The Danger Zone went to the AUIC as planned this month. We tied for first and walked away with second place. Considering the group that won was from new Brunswick I've decided to say that makes us the best amateur Improv group in Nova Scotia. I'd like to say we were the best in NS, but that would be a lie. There are groups in Hali that sell out shows at 28 bones a seat.

Awesome trip though, met some good people. One problem: I drank. I drank a lot. Dave, Christian, thank you and I apologize. I've been reminded why I swore it off. The fact is I don't drink because I like to be drunk or because it makes me more social. When I'm with Laura I drink because she loves to be drinking and dancing and it's a different world. When I drink without her it's because a small part of me that has always existed will never stop hating myself, and then I drink for the same reason I don't often wear a seatbelt. I drink until the part of me that can think and see and feel dies, at least for a little while. The problem is that while some small part of my brain (which happens to have a large amount of sway over my life and thoughts) hates me, I thoroughly love my life and I don't think I could be happier, all problems aside. I never want to be that drunk again because when I am I forget how happy I am. I only remember how unhappy I was.

Anyway that aside that weekend was probably one of the most uplifting weekends I've ever spent with a group of lunatics. And getting to chill with Dave for that amount of time is something that for me hasn't happened literally in years. I am truly, truly sad Dave that you're not around. I will always be ready to work with you creatively.

By the way, I'm assuming you're not in need of those Improv U pirate game sprites anymore. If you are let me know and I'll finish them and apologise.

I was going to buy a car recently. It didn't happen. Let's leave that one, shall we?

I'm teaching now as well, doing alot of work in Sydney River schools, and BEC. I also got a job teaching ESL to a Korean kid named June. I hope I can help this guy, as I know little about ESL. By the way, any of my teacher compadres with ESL experience wanna drop me a line I'd apreciate it.

One last thing, the Government is pissing me off. More on that in the future.

I think I'll post some poetry on this piece in the next few days.

Keep reading and I'll keep writing.